Have I Really Been Waiting For Permission?

It’s been over a year and a half now since I became a full time mom, and many of you know just how hard these past two years have been for me. It all started with a serious hit to my self worth within my business, and I ended up making the decision to “step back” from my career, in part, because of that hit. This, combined with my inability to really have much time to myself, not loving my body anymore, and finding myself so low that I didn’t bother creating a routine (or any sort of structure, really) to our lives… it all felt like a hard slap in the face.

I know so many of you reading this already know these details, but what I’ve discovered recently has me kicking myself: I have been waiting for permission. This. Whole. Time.

On numerous occasions over this past year and a half, I sat there telling myself that I wasn’t a good mom, and that I wished there was some sort of instruction manual on how to do all of this. Only now can I tell you guys that in wishing for a manual, I was actually waiting for someone else’s permission to “properly” raise my children.

I told myself that a science-backed instruction manual would make me feel like a good mom; that it would allow me to feel a little better about grasping the concept of full-time motherhood. And in many ways, it would. It truly would be amazing to “know” that you’re doing it all right. But in the event that there were such a guide out there, would I potentially forfeit everything that I personally believe I should (and want to) teach my children by accepting it and using it’s practices? Would I be denying my children a large portion of what will set them apart as an individual in the future? And to top it all off, I’d undoubtably and ultimately be gaining the permission of whoever wrote that instruction manual instead of giving myself permission to thrive in a world of my own creation.

The qualifications to become a parent are obviously ridiculously low, but regardless of who you are, every single one of us becomes a business owner the second that we become a parent. Suddenly we are the ones that create the rules, design the village, provide the nutrients, shape the culture, and thus build an entire world around these little humans. And in no way am I saying we cannot ask for help, but to copy the practices of another (especially just one other mom) just like we would a business plan… as an employee would, we are lessening ourselves. We are demoting ourselves. We are resigning as the CEO.

I’m not doing that anymore. That perfectionism, and society’s demands of motherhood that have both been holding me down lessens every day. And in knowing that I’ve been waiting around for permission, I can see more clearly the potential in who I am as a full-time mom and just how much space there is for me to really grow.

Creating structure will take time, but in writing this, I already know a few things to be true in my personal reality of motherhood. When I’m overwhelmed, I’m allowed to take a moment to breathe. When I’m frustrated, it will not be the end of the world if I snap at my children, it’s how I approach things afterwards that matters most. If I am unable to get a task done, they won’t be ruined if I turn on the television. Yes, even as a mom, I’m still allowed to create my own reality.

Here are a things that will help me feel like a CEO once again:
Getting out with my kids daily
Prioritizing Protein and water before caffeine
Avoiding my phone for the first two hours in the morning
Putting my phone down intentionally throughout the day
Waking up before my children
Showering every single day
Building small routines that support me, not just the kids
Taking moments to document our lives instead of trying to perfect them
Handling hard moments without deciding I’m failing
Protecting my time for creativity
Speaking to myself with much more respect.

I don’t need permission to build a life that works for us. I just need the courage to trust myself while I build it.

See you,
Amy