13 Things I’m No Longer Doing As A Stay-At-Home Mom

There are so many little details to becoming a full-time mom that I had never really considered until I was in the thick of it, and I know I’m not alone. So much of motherhood in general is battling the flames inside the fire. In so many situations, we are flying by the seat of our pants. And unfortunately, I’ve come to realize that this is the only way to do it.

One of the biggest things, which I highlighted in last week’s blog post, is that I’ve been very unaware of just how much pressure I put on myself to get everything done. The expectations I’ve set for myself are exceedingly high, and quite frankly impossible. In documenting all of it, I’ve been able to give myself grace.

Now I’m setting boundaries. Here are 13 things I’m no longer doing as a stay-at-home mom.

1. Waiting Until Everything Else Is Done Before Taking Care Of Myself
The kids are down for nap/quiet-time, and there I stand at the edge. Do I clean, or relax? The laundry needs to be folded, and the dishes from lunch are still out. I’m helping my husband sort lacrosse cards on the kitchen table, and I’d like to get it cleared asap… I experience this moment every weekday, and I only recently decided that from now on, this is my time to relax. This is my lunch hour, regardless of what’s going on in the house.

It doesn’t end there. I drink a full glass of water AND make my coffee before making my children breakfast. This morning, I watched a Pilates workout video instead of Bluey. And guess what?! My children have not only survived these changes, I think they are thriving. More play time before breakfast, and they were doing the workout with me. I’m mad I didn’t do all of this sooner.

2. Apologizing For Wanting Something Outside Of Motherhood
The guilt is still there, I won’t deny that. I feel it when I’m trying to write a blog while they are watching television, or when I’m headed out to enjoy a girl’s night with my mom. Sometimes it even has me wanting to apologize to them, to my husband, but I’m done with that. Not only do my kids need to be raised by a strong woman that knows how to fill up her own cup, but they need to know that they are allowed to want something outside of being parents one day too.

3. Measuring My Worth By My Productivity
At the end of every day, I used to look at my long list of things to do and scratch my head wondering to myself how I didn’t get more done. Instead of seeing the childhood I’m giving my children, taking them to the splash pad or to spend time with their great grandparents, I would get mad at myself for not finishing weeding the garden or getting the floors mopped.

In my head, I was falling extremely short, but when I see it written out in my journal or even this blog post, it’s incredibly obvious that my priorities are accurate. The f*cking floors can wait.

4. Believing Every Moment Has To Be Magical
It doesn’t just come to mind with holidays and birthday parties, I pick myself apart for my kids not having better bath toys or bubbles going while they are in the kiddie pool. I wonder what parts of their childhood they will remember most, and worry that it will be my yelling instead of playing in the pallet-fort my husband built them this year. I tell myself that making as much as possible magical will somehow erase the memories they will have of me disciplining them when they hit each other.

I’m done doing that. Not only do I want them to remember that they shouldn’t hurt each other, but if they remember me disciplining them, it’ll be okay. If they remember me yelling, it will be okay. One day they will know I did it because I care. One day they will know I was yelling because parenting is hard.

5. Comparing My Motherhood Experience To Someone Else’s Highlight Reel
Don’t get me wrong, I still consume content around motherhood, but I’ve stopped comparing. How? It’s a mindset shift. Every time I catch myself comparing myself to other moms, I tell myself it’s an ad. Sure, it’s an option, but I’m not obligated to buy it. It’s not a necessity; my children will grow up just fine without it.

6. Trying To Earn Rest
This is a big one for me, and my recent Hashimoto’s diagnosis has allowed me to give myself some much needed grace in this area. It’s incredibly crazy to me how, once I became a mom, it was almost impossible for my mind to understand the need for rest. Ultimately, I think it’s a part of a mother’s DNA… we’ve been designed to give our children every ounce of ourselves, even if it costs us our mental and physical health.

7. Carrying Every Responsibility Alone
Sometimes our minds are going twenty miles per second, and it can be incredibly difficult to delegate things. We assume those around us should know what to do, especially our significant others, but I must tell you that the second I learned to delegate things, it was a complete game changer for me. Even the ability to simply ask for help has been so significant, not only in my marriage, but in my friendships. You are not alone! Try leaning on someone every once in a while.

8. Treating My Interests Like They Don’t Matter
I’ve been lucky to have this blog in so many ways, because it’s an interest that I’ve always fought for since it was first created. That said, other interests have definitely fell to the wayside. So, I’ve been practicing something new. I bought a doll house to build. I color my coloring books when my kids color (yes it only lasts 10 minutes or so, but it’s nice). I bought a time capsule. Like, a real one that will last underground. I’ve been filling out my own journals, and I’m almost finished with them. I’m making time for things that matter to me, because I matter to me.

9. Assuming My Kids Need A Perfect Mom
There was a reel I found on Instagram not long ago. I have no idea if it’s backed by research, but I’ve chosen to believe this is true. It’s not about being the perfect parent, but about repairing your relationship when things go sideways. Your kids need to see you and your significant other squabble and repair, and they need to experience it too. So instead of focusing on being the perfect mom, I’m focusing on repair whenever possible. That I think I can follow though on 99% of the time – no joke.

10. Losing Sight Of Who I Am Becoming
I had no idea that, without an official ‘career,’ it got increasingly easy to lose myself as a full-time mom. I almost devoted this platform to blogging specifically about motherhood, and I’m so so glad that I didn’t. Not just because documenting your life is my calling – truly, but because I need a piece of my life to not be solely focused on my being a mom. I’m proud to be a mom, but that’s not all that I am.

11. Saying Yes To Things Out Of Guilt
Still working on this one, but I’ve gotten pretty good at the pause that comes right after the question. No more saying, “Yes” out of guilt, and only in the event that I actually want to participate.

12. Starting New Projects Before Finishing The First
Right now I’m BURIED in projects. I’m listing some of my Grandma’s belongings on eBay and Facebook Marketplace, I have a blank canvas hanging on my living room wall that I want to paint… one day. Several rooms in my house need a deep cleaning, I’d like to build a mini play structure in the shop for our kids, our garage is an embarrassing mess, and I’m preparing a new series of legacy journals (stay tuned)! This only scratches the surface of what I’m loading onto my own plate. I’m done doing this to myself. From now on, one project at a time.

13. Believing I Have to Do Everything Right Now
What is the urgency? Truly. This is another one of those things where, if you write it down, you can separate yourself from what’s going on in your head and realize that you’re completely overthinking it. So many of the things we are rushing simply don’t need to be rushed.

See you,
Amy