Have you ever looked back on your life & found yourself focused on those moments of people pleasing & walking on egg shells, only to realize that they make up a good 75% of your life in its entirety? Maybe I’m alone, but I truly doubt that I am. And I’m honestly baffled by this. At one point is enough, enough?

One of the biggest reasons why I’m transitioning into writing about accountability is the fact that I’m horrible at being accountable to myself & I see that daily in the lives of others. We are so quick to make excuses; so eager to put others ahead of ourselves only to wake up one day & realize that we are unhappy, unhealthy or completely unaware about our own wants… or all three. WHY?

When I look back on the few moments where I was fully & unwaveringly accountable to myself (I call this badassery), it was always amidst a breakup of some sort – a friend or a boyfriend who let me down unexpectedly, to which I quickly fought to get away from & never looked back. — I conquered bucket list items daily, started running every other day, saved up to move to Nashville & much more. — But the accountability was brief, because it seems as though I quickly lost it the moment that I got focused on being accountable to someone else. WHY?

I’m going to be really real here for a minute, & this is not easy for me.
I’m happily married to an amazing man who loves me for the real, weird, goofy & completely spoiled woman that I am. And when I say happy, I don’t mean on the surface, saying it to say it & keep up appearances – I mean completely. And while I won’t go into too many details, I will say that we put up with a lot from each other, & we always end up right back where we are; where we should be, that perfect little spot of love & pure joy. I’ve found a man who is willing to work through the hard times & knows how to really enjoy the good times. And the moments in between still hold little fluttery moments when I can only imagine what he’d be like as a father. He’s supportive, listens no matter how many times I repeat myself in frustration & is quick to admit when he’s wrong. — What I’m getting at is that it’s real, but it’s so good & I’m so grateful. That said, for someone who has great history in moments of pure independence, I found myself struggling to find the feeling of pure badassery; happy & content, but ready for a personal transition. I’m ready to be accountable to myself again, but where do I start?
And then it hit me. I have to break up with myself.
Okay maybe some of you think this is going too far, or maybe it’s cheesy, but hear me out.
• If you told a friend you would meet them at the gym each morning at 8am & they never showed up – ever – would you keep them as a reliability partner?• If you had an employee that refused to come to work each day, would you keep paying them or let them go? What would be the final straw?• If you & your significant other decided that you are exclusive & then they started dating someone else at the same time, would you stay with them? Would you feel like you could trust them?
Now pretend that you, yourself are that friend, employee or significant other. — If you aren’t willing to put up with it from them, why are you willing to put up with it when it comes to yourself?
Putting yourself down, not being accountable when you need yourself the most, not fighting to be the person you’ve always wanted to be. – It’s the SAME THING.
It may be easier said than done, but the reality is that you’re treating yourself like crap & you deserve better. It’s time to fall in love with who you are, to know what you truly deserve in life & to push yourself to go after it instead of waiting to see what happens. I’m sorry to tell you that you aren’t going to wake up one day & miraculously want to run 5 miles or want to have a green juice for breakfast. This is called being an adult.
You know that I’m lecturing myself right now too, right?
So how do you break up with yourself? It starts by officially being a new person. Today – right this second – you are officially the person you’ve always wanted to be. Congratulations! Now take a moment sometime today to write down five things you do being this new person. Then, DO THEM. Slowly implement new habits into your routine until you are 100% broken of your old habits.
This will happen slooooooooowly. Think over the course of months, YEARS even. But, you bet your ass that it will make you a better, happier, more self-aware person.
So go, do, be! Amy
My Five Things: • I meditate daily• I practice gratitude daily• I journal daily• I get 30+ minutes of exercise daily• I give myself morning pep-talks in the mirror

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